Most of you know I’ve been debating for months whether to send our first daughter, Laikyn, to Kindergarten this year. She recently turned 5 late in the summer, and I just always thought she would go to Kindergarten after turning 5. I started having some hesitations back in March or April, and the decision had been weighing on me so much these past couple of weeks!
Before having Laikyn, I taught Kindergarten for 4 years and was trained in Early Childhood Literacy for many years prior. I knew all of the signs to look for to make sure she was ready for Kindergarten, but actually making that decision as a parent is SO much harder than it seems. The teacher in me knew that she would succeed in Kindergarten and probably even the next years of schooling, but the mama in me was so hesitant to send my barely 5 year old!
A few weeks ago, I gave myself a deadline to decide if she would go or not. She was registered, supplies were bought, clothes and backpacks were ordered….but I still had this extreme feeling that I was doing the wrong thing. I felt so much hesitation when talking to her about it, when talking to others about it and exactly 3 weeks before sending her to Kindergarten, we decided to un-enroll her and wait another year.
Making the decision was the hardest part, because now I feel so much at peace with our decision. We prayed on this for months, and I kept feeling like the hesitation to send her was still there. I was never 100% positive in my decision, until I finally just prayed for peace either way. I woke up the morning after praying that feeling like a huge weight was lifted off of my shoulders and that she would go to Kindergarten right after she turned 6, next year.
I know…this is probably a VERY unpopular decision. I will likely get so much backlash for this as a parent, and she might even have to deal with some comments as she gets older, BUT the pros of her waiting heavily outweighed the cons. I couldn’t have confidently sent her into her school years knowing that there was a possibility of me making the wrong decision and feeling like I shouldn’t have sent her after being 5 for only one month before school started.
Since I am now confident in the decision that we chose for our daughter, I wanted to share some of the reasons why we decided to wait on Kindergarten in case some of you may be going through the same thing. Like I said, it’s not a popular decision, so I fully expect to receive some backlash, but I’m confident in knowing that we made the right decision for our daughter. . What is right for our family may not be what’s right for your family and that’s just fine! I pray that if any of you mamas (or dads) are going through this or feel like you may go through this with your summer/late birthday, that you can make the decision that is right for YOU and not everyone else’s child. It takes prayer, confidence and stepping out of your comfort zone to do so, but I promise it feels so good to know that you’ve made a decision, weighed the pros/cons and know that you based your final answer on what you feel like is BEST for your child.
Here are some of the pieces of advice I was given that helped me make my decision:
- Read Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell – In this, there was insight on how children who are more developmentally mature succeed at a higher rate than those that aren’t as mature. After reading (or listening on audible…because what mom of 2 with one on the way has time to read??) I found this article and it shed even more light into our situation.
- We also knew that we either wanted to send her and stick with that grade or not send her and wait a year. We did NOT want to send her and repeat a grade if not ready. My hesitation wasn’t Kindergarten or really even elementary school, it’s the years of those hard tests, growing in maturity and even graduating at 9 months younger than most of the other students she’s being compared to.
- Do you want her to be 9 months younger or 3 months older than her peers?
- To me, this was eye-opening. There is a HUGE difference in 9 months and 3 months. I would rather her have the advantage of being 3 months older than her peers rather than 9 months younger. Although, typically, girls mature more quickly and are “fine” I still didn’t want her gender to have a play in this. I even told myself, “If she were a boy, I wouldn’t even question sending her. We would wait. So why am I questioning a girl? She should have the same time to develop as a boy would.”
- 2 Things: Entering high school after turning 14 a month prior (with 18 and 19 year olds) and graduating high school at 17.
- I didn’t know what in the world I was doing at age 17. I could barely make decisions on what to eat for lunch…did we really want to send her into the real world/college being 17? NO. YIKES! Also, she’d be 13 years old preparing for her freshman year of high school. I would feel SO much better if she was about to turn 15 rather than 14 with all of those hormones!
- Driving
- Do we want all of her older friends driving her around or want her to be the one responsible for driving? I am a control freak (if you haven’t caught on to that yet…) and would rather her have the control and our rules rather than depending on other kids with different rules to drive her around. Even though we probably wouldn’t have allowed it 😉
- Testing
- Did we want her being compared on benchmark tests to other students that were developmentally older than she is? I mean, she is SMART…but she’s not a genius and we want her to have a fair chance to succeed in school and life. Also, she would have to take the SAT at age 16 being compared to 17 and 18 year olds.
- One More Year at Home
- Ask me in a few months when the baby is here if I regret this one! 😉 I feel like why wouldn’t I want another year with her at home? Why wouldn’t I want to keep her under our roof for one more year at the end of high school? I felt like I was getting cheated by time!
- Don’t Rush
- Why not give her one more year to enjoy childhood? One more year to not deal with tests, homework and extensive school schedules. Why not give her one more year to play, learn and grow??
The best advice that I got: You might regret sending her to Kindergarten at 5, but you will never regret having her start at 6. 9/10 parents that had made the decision for their children with late summer birthdays agreed. I hope that I can say that I agree with this statement in a few years. We will likely do the same thing with Lennyn, who is also a late summer birthday and will be in the same situation.
Just a little insight into our decision and I hope it helps you if you’re making the same decision! We prayed on it A LOT, weighed the pros/cons, asked for advice, prayed MORE, and just really took a look at our OWN child to decide this. While I do think she is SO smart and SO ready in so many ways, I do know that she can only succeed more if given her more time to mature.
I have gotten comments like “don’t you think she’ll be bored” and “but she’s a girl…she’s fine” and while I do agree with those, I pray that she gets teachers that will differentiate instruction to keep her engaged in learning and that she finds great friends throughout her schooling years. I think (and continue to pray) that we’ve made the right decision, and we’re looking forward to all of the amazing things this year has to offer us! We’ll be welcoming our third baby in November while Laikyn will attend a 3-day Christian Pre-K program and Lennyn will go to a 2-day PDO for “school”.
I would love to hear thoughts from you if you have a child that’s a summer birthday. What did you do? What do you plan to do? Does gender play into your decision? As always, I hope for this space to be a place for uplifting, encouraging others and helping one another. I also hope to be a resource, whether it is in your wardrobe decisions or much harder parenting-decisions! Thank YOU for allowing me to be real and share not only the exciting and fun times, but the struggles and hard decisions we all have to make, too!
So proud of you for making this decision with so much thought and processing. As an August Baby who was the oldest in my class, I am forever thankful that my Momma (who was a teacher) made that hard decision for me. As an educator myself, I fully support the maturity aspect of it. Good job Momma.
I was that 17 year old going off to college and I had nooo business being out on my own. The maturity just wasn’t there. You’ve made a great decision for your daughter and the points you discussed are all relevant. They do matter.
These are such great points. Good for you for making the right decision for your girl! We have a late June birthday, and I would much prefer she is the oldest than the youngest. I was the youngest in our group of friends by a lot, and I hated it!
I plan on waiting to send my boys to school as well. They both have summer birthdays. Kudos to you for deciding now instead of later!
We struggled, prayed & agonized with this decision with our THIRD child & only one to have a summer bday. I finally realized my struggle was with what others would think, he wouldn’t be with friend “abc”, etc. If I was honest with myself, the best decision for him was to wait. He’s 9 now & going into 3rd grade. We say often thank you Lord for this wisdom as we have never regretted this a day. The biggest difference I see is confidence & maturity & that will continue to be the theme when driving, college at 18, etc. It’s hard to go against the grain, but blessings will abound for seeking His wisdom & following what your heart knew was right. That “bonus” year was a treasured time.
I was born during Labor Day weekend so I missed the 9/1 cutoff by 2 days. My mom waited until the next year to enroll me, I was always more mature than most of the kids but I didn’t ever feel the backlash of being an older kid. I definitely think it worked to my advantage as far as the maturity level and success in school/education.
As an educator and mental health clinician with years of education and experience in child and adolescent development, I think you made the absolute BEST decision for her and your family! Although this may not be right for every family, it’s right for yours, and you’ll never regret that! You just gifted her with another year to just be a kid without all the pressure that school brings. Most importantly, you followed your heart and what you felt was best for her and didn’t get lost in what everyone else is doing. Good job momma!
I started kindergarten as a 4 year old, having a September birthday. Looking back I wish my parents would have held me back a year. I was considerably younger than most of my peers, having classmates that were 18 my senior year while I was still 16. All of my kiddos have Jan/ Feb birthdays so I do feel they have an advantage being a little bit older.
My oldest just turned 5 in Late July and I enrolled him as planned…. ever since I just can’t help the weight of feeling like I didn’t do what my heart truly feels is right.. this really gave me a lot of insight (and slight anxiety ) about making the right decision for him and our family.
First of all, well done for doing what you know is best for you and your family! This is fascinating to me, as I live in New Zealand and we do things so differently. We start kindergarten at four years old (or around then), and we start school at five, regardless of when our birthdays are. If your birthday is really far away from the start of the school year (which is start of February for us) or if you’re not quite ready, you go into a new entrants class for a while.
My older son is a September baby and turned six 3 weeks after starting Kindergarten. I love the fact that he’s older in his class. He is so mature and responsible. His little brother, 2 yrs younger, is a summer baby and was one of the youngest in his class. However, because of being competitive with his older sibling he was sooo ready for school. He was already reading fluently by age 4 because he wanted to be like big brother so bad. I would have hindered him keeping him behind.I agree with your decision to keep her until 6 but please consider your second child’s abilities and maturity when it’s her turn. Have a great day!
I started kindergarten at 4 yrs old, and turned 5 in October. I was always fine, academically, even excelled… but emotionally not so much. I look back now and realize that my age played a huge role in my ability to make friends and develop relationships. I lacked in self-confidence, for other reasons too, but I’ll bet a lot of it stemmed from my age and just not being sure of myself.
I think you made the decision that is right for you and your baby and your family. That’s the beat you can do!
Hi! My daughter turned 5 on 7/11 and while she isn’t a typical gen ed child I too wanted to wait till next summer to do Kinder at 6 but was told in Texas for public schools she would go straight to first. So forgive me for asking but will she doing public or private school?
My almost 20 year old son has a late August birthday. We agonized for a year over whether to hold him back and eventually decided to do it. It was the right decision. He benefited greatly from having another year to mature – academically, physically and socially. You will not regret your decision. I can tell you from experience that the years really do fly by, so enjoy having another year with your precious girl!
IMHO you made the right decision, and coots to you for posting about it! I have an 8 yo son and 10 yo daughter and did the same thing. And their birthdays are not summer either. One in April and the other in May. My birthday is also in May and I will never completely be over the feel of being one of the youngest, and smallest (but heck that’s never going to change) in my class. There is soooo much more put on our kids in today’s schools. Not one minute have I ever regretted our decision. Time is one things you can never get more of. Hug and squeeze those littles.
My daughter and I are both July birthdays and started kindergarten right after turning 5. My daughter had one year of preschool prior but I had none and neither of us attended daycare. We were both shy but academically ready. No issues for either of us.
My parents went ahead and sent my brother, who has a July birthday. While academically he did fine through school, he socially fit in with the class below him. He played all his sports with them and in general was close friends with people in the grade below him. And as a first grade teacher, I know how important maturity is to school! I think you’re making the right decision!
I have an Early childhood degree and agree you did what is best for your family! My oldest daughter was a March birthday and went to K at 5.5 very ready. My middle missed the K cut off by 3 weeks and had to wait…she turned 6 a few weeks after starting K. And my youngest is starting K Monday, but is also older (turning 6 in October). Each kid is different! What’s funny now is my oldest (but youngest K starter for me) seems so young compared to peers! She’s successful and happy in school, but there’s definitely a difference between some of her classmates. Your mama gut knows best! Plus, you can always skip a grade later if she needs to!
As a mom of two teenagers I think you are making the best decision. This world is a crazy and scary place for kids now. The pressures that are placed on them now are insane not just socially but also academically. Being older is only going to help her. Kids don’t get to be kids anymore! I totally agree with your decision!( and remember your the momma so YOUR decision is the only one that matters)Enjoy every second! They grow up so fast!
My daughter will turn 5 on Sept. 2nd, and we are waiting another year to send her to Kindergarten. Thank you for this post! I too struggled with what to do since she is a day off from the cut off, but I agree 100% with your reasons, and appreciate the validation!
Right there with ya! I too have a late July kiddo that won’t be starting kinder. I also have a teaching background and lots of outside opinions on the belief that he needs to just start. No rush, in my opinion. Lots of benefits to waiting. Way to advocate for your child!
I was a preschool teacher for 20 years. I understand this completely. Over these years, many parents have made this same decision.
You know what’s best for your daughter. This sounds like the right decision. Blessings!!
My daughter turned 5 June 27th, I debated holding her back. I don’t think your decision is crazy in anyway. It’s been weighing heavy on me, so I’m glad to hear I’m it the only one. I’ve decided to go ahead and start her. And I am at peace. She’s always been so far ahead of other her age. I was a young July baby, graduating at 17. Grades wise I probably could have used another year, but I was mature for my age and my girl is just like me. Now my son (now 3, almost 4) is SUPER smart, but I’ll wait until he is 6 to start him! I know for sure he’ll need the extra year! Proud for you in sharing this. And thank you for sharing your walk and faith with us!☺️
In the area we live it is much more common to wait until 6 for summer birthdays. In fact they have programs called begindergarten that are designed for only summer birthday kids. They go through this program and then it is decided if they do kinder or move to first grade. With that being said, we have decided to send our son anyway. It’s what just feels right to us. He isn’t extra mature or anything but he is very very social. He enjoys school and I think as time goes on the age gap isn’t as significant as it is now. Our family is almost all summer birthdays and all have started at 5 so, for us it just feels right!
I don’t have children and I’m 30 now, so this may not be relevant anymore, but I’m hoping it will bring you a little realistic insight and peace of mind. I’m a July baby and graduated at 17. The only downside was I teased my older cousin for being a grade behind me throughout grade school (I know what a little AHole). However, high school was a game changer I wish I was that much older and that much more mature. I think it really would have made a difference despite being a girl and inheritely more mature. I still wasn’t emotional mature enough yet. I was always the youngest out of all my friends and therefore I grew up way faster than I probably should have hanging out with all the older kids. I always felt behind everybody else despite good grades and to be honest that feeling lasted well after high school. I think it’s great that your giving your child a little bit more time to develop and embrace being a kid (God knows it doesn’t last nearly long enough). I truly hope this helps and brings you clarity and peace.
My girl is going to turn 5 in december and some people telling me “oh she is going to loose a year” and I tell then no thats is better because she is going to be more mature. I think you did great choice.
I had a total opposite problem from yours… I have a September birthday and it always made me anxious having to send him a year later just because he was born 25 days later (cut off date is Sep 1st). I just didn’t like the fact that he will be the oldest kindergardner in his classroom. But after reading your blog, it made me feel so much better about him being 6 when he goes to to kindergarten(not that i have a choice sending him earlier). Thank you for sharing!
I could so relate to this post and wanted to share some insight as an empty nester now. Maybe it will help you get moms. I was an educator and my daughter so wanted to go to school like her big brother. (She was an April baby.) I was torn as I could tell she wasn’t where my son had been, academically, at the same age, but I thought she might need the push, might be personality differences, etc. She enjoyed kindergarten, and first grade, but was a little distracted and uninterested in some things and also felt “dumb” at times. Her teacher wasn’t sure what to do by the end of the yr as she she felt she was capable but might struggle as things got more difficult (I was sensing the same), and I had to wrestle with holding her back, her friends moving on, so many things… it was one of the hardest decisions of my life! Long story short, the principal was against it, I had to fight regret, comments, different things, but it ended up being the best decision to have her repeat first grade, even after I had regret about previously sending her on to kindergarten. Side note: The years do go by so quickly and I would give anything to have had her home another year; especially, knowing what I know now. Anyhow, she ended up being able to drive all her friends everywhere because she got her license first, and seemed to be the one with the best reasoning skills in her circle of friends. She ended up graduating a semester early from high school to enter dental assisting school and work and then entered a rigorous dental hygiene program where you have to make straight A’s be accepted into the program. I could go on, but hope that helps somebody out there!
Thanks for sharing this. My son is April 30th and he’s entering pre k. Since he was born Ive debated sending or holding him back. Now going into deciding gear I’m definitely leaning towards having him home and at Christian pre school one more year to develop. I see the challenges today in schools and I’d hope for him to be a leader rather than the baby always struggling to catch up. Most May birthdays around us do hold back – I just have been nervous with that April date with even thought it’s he 30th. Refreshing to hear I’m not alone with the struggle!
I started first grade at 5 (with a November birthday) since my school (rural area/mid 70s) didn’t have kindergarten. So I would have been a 4 year old kindergartener if we had had kindergarten. It didn’t bother me at all until middle school when all of my friends had milestones first- (puberty/ getting to wear a bra/ talking about periods) and I was left behind. And it was worse in high school when I was the very last person in my class to drive. I started my senior year as a 16 year old and didn’t even turn 17 for 3 more months, while I had classmates who were 18 and 19. I think you have made a very well-informed and wise decision!
As a teacher of 18 years and many in primary grade–you made the right choice…I went through the same with my son and you are spot on how challenging it is to make the decision as a MOM and not a teacher..but from one mom to another, from one teacher to another–YOU MADE THE RIGHT CHOICE…I am very proud of you!
Much love…
I have three kiddos. I kept all three of mine back until they were 6 or almost 6. My oldest has a Nov. 1 bday so he turned 6 shortly after starting kindergarten. He is 16 now and one of the top in his class. My second son has an April birthday and being a boy and the middle child and having a semi late bday, it was an easy decision for me. He went from being a follower in preschool to being a leader in his class because of waiting. Those few months make such a difference for boys. Then my 3rd is a girl and she has an Aug. 17th bday. I could have sent her as she turned 5 right before school started but being my last baby it was a definite no for me. She is 11 now and is in GT and thriving. No regrets for keeping any of them home for one more year!