Well…Laikyn is 7 weeks old now! We’ve had quite the whirlwind of a month and a half and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I’ve never cried so many tears, felt so much pain or been so overjoyed in my whole life. We are so very blessed.
I started this post a long time ago in my head. I’m gonna get all personal and emotional, so if you’re not up for that–stop reading now! Oh and if you don’t want to hear about boobies and nipples…probably stop now too! 😉
——
No one ever tells you how hard this thing is called being a mommy! I cry all the time. I’m constantly googling things and making myself go insane. I’m praying to God 24-7. I’m never sleeping because I wonder if she’s breathing okay or if she’s going to wake up ready for me to be alert any second. I drive myself crazy with things I should have done. I’m learning new things hourly-who am I kidding-every second. I’ve learned to love a “normal” diaper and give a cheer when it happens! I’ve fallen more and more in love with her daddy. I’ve felt the most love in the world from the tiniest little human being. I thank God every day for my angel baby.
These emotions are so uncontrollable. I love this life, no matter how hard it is. Yes, we’ve had a hard month. I had myself thinking that we just don’t have a happy baby. Why!!!??? Why can’t I have a happy newborn?! Does she just want to go back to my tummy?! She hates us!!!
Well…we started off a little rough. Unplanned c-section…4 days in the hospital was 4 days too long…my milk took 6 long horrible days to come in…she lost too much weight…she was borderline Jaundice…she screamed constantly. I so wondered what was wrong with my baby!!! I was sad. I was stressed. I was still trying to heal physically and emotionally from the c section. I have never been so broken. I needed Jesus and I needed him badly!! I had the greatest most supportive group of people surrounding me. I am so grateful for everything my husband, mom, family and Brett’s family did for us. Not a minute went by when Brett wasn’t taking care of us and making sure we were okay even though he was so very tired himself. We spent all night up every night in the hospital trying to get a baby to latch to the breast which had no milk. Daddy was there every step of the way. He did everything from holding my boob to get her to latch to calming her down and calming me down. He is a true God send. We would laugh and say it took a team to get one baby to the boob! My mom would be coaxing her with a syringe, Brett would be holding my boob and I would be putting her to it! Pure craziness!
So once my milk came in… She finally started latching and breast-feeding. But there was still something wrong… She screamed ALL. Of. The. Time! I knew this wasnt normal… My mom was here and I would just watch her dance or around and try to keep her from screaming and I would just think why don’t I have a happy baby? She had bad diapers that turned it mucousy dark green so I called my dr’s office. We went and got her stool tested and there was blood in it! I freaked out!!! Turns out, she was having food sensitives and I needed to change my diet to still be able to give her breast milk. For about 10 days, I pumped and we have her some sensitive formula from the dr. This still didn’t seem to help! Back we went to the dr…she hasn’t gained any weight and was still so unhappy. We decided it was the formula and we will just breastfeed since I had been dairy and soy free for about 2 weeks. Well, that didn’t work either…still screamy and unhappy! Back to the dr we go…no weight gain. I explained that she would feed for hours and hours and still be hungry. Low supply for me was suggested so I started doing everything I could to get it up. In my heart I still knew something wasn’t right. The pain for me was horrendous when breastfeeding, she stayed there for hours and was still hungry and was only satisfied by a bottle. The dr suggested we try a prescription formula for 10 days and then slowly reintroduce breast milk. So, reluctantly I agreed becuse I hate hate hate giving my baby formula. I was in tears because in my head this was the end of breastfeeding for us. I was borderline depressed at this thought of never breastfeeding her again! So, we tried it and she became the happiest baby! She was still having some reflux issues but the allergy wasn’t nearly as bad as before. She didn’t scream and she started sleeping!!! We were so happy!! I knew this wasn’t the fix for our issues, and we reintroduced breast milk slowly after 10 days. She tolerated ounces for days and I was soooo excited!!! Until day 4, another darn reaction!!! Back to 100% formula until we could figure it out. I then decided it was gluten and we got that out of my diet. Tried again and…..perfect!!!! No reactions for almost a week and we’ve increased the ounces of breast milk each day! I’m able to still breastfeed some with a nipple shield because its so painful even with the most perfect latch. Like bleeding, cracked and scabbed nipples kind of pain!
So with having the reflux and allergy under control, why is breastfeeding still not working? I was still having to pump after breastfeeding because she wasn’t emptying the milk. I researched and saw endless lactation consultants and ibclc’s and no help. I suggested they look at her because I was pretty positive she has a tongue and lip tie. I knew her lip was tight and that’s why it was hurting while feeding. No one believed me or would admit she had this and in fact they would say that they see it but that it shouldn’t effect anything. BULL!!! It can effect feeding, cause lots of pain, speech delays and problems, tooth decay, etc…
I searched around for the best pediatric dentist in Texas to get a second opinion. I actually found him! He is in ft worth and does email consults for out of towners! I sent her pictures and sure enough, this has been causing us trouble. We are scheduled to have it revised in a couple of weeks and should be able to breastfeed and get rid of this formula!! I’m so hopeful and praying its the answer we’ve been looking for!
As long as all of these issues have happened, I am so thankful for the support system around us to keep going and not give up! We’ve stuck it out and hopefully are smooth sailing from here….but I will not lie. It’s been no walk in the park. But…it HAS been worth every second of making my baby girl happy and healthy.
Thank you, Jesus, for answers, people who believe in us and perseverance. Thank you most of all for our baby blessing and your patience and unending love! We are so blessed!
aw hun I'm so glad you guys seem to be figuring it out. Good luck with the Dr, hopefully he can figure everything out for you! You are doing an amazing job! And trust me even though i post pics as I'm sure lots of others do too of our happy babies that's because she's finally being happy! my babygirl is either sleeping or screaming. Maybe a couple hours a day she'll be happy & content but girl i feel you..motherhood.is.so.hard! ::hugs:: we'll get through it! 🙂
You guys are doing wonderful! Just putting a big in your ear about dairy allergy…my daughter has a severe case of dairy allergy (still does at 14 mo) we found out at 6 months while I was breast feeding. She was just not a happy baby either. I tried eliminating ALL dairy from my diet to keep on but still didn't solve the problem 100%. We ended up putting her on Nutramigen and it made her a totally different baby. It wasn't until she was 9 months or so when we let her suck and naw on a piece of steak and that night she didn't sleep a wink…well I'm almost positive even beef was bothering her. So when I look back at me trying to BF and eliminated all the dairy I was pretty much just eating steak and chicken. The steak still has the protein enzyme that she couldn't break down in the dairy. She is now 100% COW-free and couldn't be happier.
If you end up having to go down the road with expensive formula like we did, we went through a home healthcare pharmacy and they fought for us with insurance to get them to pay 80/20. So instead of a can of Nutramigen costing $25-30 at Walmart we were paying $6 with insurance. Talk about a life saver!! If you have any questions about the dairy allergy or formula, don't hesitate to ask! It's like a while new world and you will soon find out Many people around you have gone through this! Keep your spirits up and Trust in Him!
I can totally and completely relate to this. My DD will be 1 next week but she too had a tongue tie. It was horrible. I knew something was wrong right away. I too had cracked bleeding nipples and she would nurse for hours. I remember times where I would be nursing and I would be crying, tears flowing from my eyes because it was so painful. I too remember hubby trying to get her to latch while I coaxed her with the syringe. I was always committed to BF my LO and was an advocate so giving up was not an option for me. Although I felt like I wanted to many times. I hired a lactation consultant and she knew right away my DD had a tongue tie. There were two docs in my area that specialized in TT and we took her for the frenulectomy when she was only 7 days old. It took patience and everything out of me to re train her to latch on. I think I have read every breast feeding blog, article and website out there. I was tired of the constant pumping, the supplementing with formula and the frustration of her still not latching 100% correctly. Well at 6 weeks I locked myself in my bedroom and lied in the bed wih her all day. I said to her no more bottles my darling you are gonna latch on all day today and have mommys milk. Well here we are one week shy of her 1st birthday and she is still nursing. Now I have to figure out how to start weaning her!! HAng in there! It's so worth it and you know your LO is getting the best possible nutrition and start to life. It was hard but we got through and you will too! Sorry for the novel!!
This comment has been removed by the author.